EARLY MORNING

Every morning my husband and I have made it our routine to have breakfast in bed. Of course, he is the one who gets up since I get to get up throughout the night because of our little boy. He makes us both oatmeal with honey. Well, this time atleast. Because usually it’s with Nutella. Yes! With Nutella. Please try it! 

You’re all on my mind this beautiful morning! 

Advertisements

PRECIOUS 4 AM THOUGHT

It’s four in the morning, I am sitting in silence, waiting for my precious little baby to fall in deep sleep. It’s quiet and my husband is fast asleep. I remember the first two weeks of being home after giving birth. I was exhausted. Naive but excited all at once.  having close to zero confidence about motherhood. Two weeks ago I wanted to cry and break down whenever my newborn cried. Yes, I did some pretty crazy research. Read baby books. But when this child cried infront of me, it was like standing  in a huge arena. Me against this child. All those research flew out the window. I guess you can say motherhood bitch slapped me in the face and the funny thing was that it wasn’t even half of it. I had no clue what I was in for. I thought I did. I was a zombie. Still am but I am managing. I doubted my abilities. I almost thought of giving up. I was afraid. That was two weeks ago. Although I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, I got to know this child. He mirrors my husband and I. It’s amazing how love can create such precious little human. Now I stare at him when he sleeps. I always do. And I am amazed of the fact that I was capable of nurturing him. I love him more than anything in this world. I am not ashamed of how I feel about this whole situation as a first time mother. I feel protective.. Most of the time I get a little too over protective actually. I fall in love over and over again when I look at him. I am nowhere near scared any longer. He’s mine.  He’s precious. He makes me love life even more. He brings my husband and I even closer than before. And I know this doesn’t end here. 

STORY TIME: LABOR

Hello everyone! I’ve missed you all so much! So I finally found time to sit and type about our birth story slash journey. 

So, my due date is originally on Wednesday, August 4th. But little one was stubborn and decided to stay longer. We set up a date for us to be induced, which is a week after my due date. I swear to you, I did everything I could to try to “induce” naturally . Mainly because I was miserable. My back was killing me, my feet were swollen, my joints even in my hands we aching. So I bounced on my pregnancy ball, walked as much as I could even when my hips felt like it was going to fall off. 


Saturday night after my due date was when my water broke! Around 12 midnight, I was in bed with my husband, I felt little contractions they felt very mild so I ignored them until I thought I peer myself… And it just kept going!  

I wasn’t in panic, infact, my husband was more worried about what to do next while I stood there and kept saying, “OMG, my water broke!” 


We drove to the hospital, checked in and we’re still very overwhelmed. I was eager to do a normal delivery. I was excited to feel the pain. 
But things did not go that way… 

I was in labor for almost 24 hours. I was only 5 cm dilated. Our Doctor tried to wait but she finally said we need to do cesarean section because the baby and I were at risk for infection. In fact, by the time they wheeled me in the operating room, I was already shaking because of a fever. Even though my husband was there, to try to comfort me, I could not understand what he was saying. I was too out of it. I was scared and wanted to run away. I was so unprepared to go through a surgery. 




But then, 

I heard him cry. 


When I heard him cry, even though I couldn’t see him, happiness came through me like hot flashes. I was weak but I managed a smile. I could here my husband say “I’m so proud of you”  and “he’s here baby. ” that was when I started crying my eyes out. And then I blacked out. 

The next thing I remember was waking up in a small room and my husband and child out of sight. My mom walked in and showed me pictures of my husband bathing our child. Part of me was a little jealous for not being able to hold the baby right away. But then again I was very happy to hear about how my husband was when he saw our baby. He was so proud of him. So happy to finally meet our baby. 


He even did a skin to skin with Kostandin. 


They’re my reason to live. I love them so much. 

LEARN TO LET THINGS GO

Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. Some people are temporary. And I know you have heard people say nothing is permanent but I honestly do not believe in that. I believe that some are meant to go, most people in fact. But few will stay forever. We often not see or realize those who stay because we don’t either don’t appreciate them, or we are so focused on people who aren’t meant to stay. You have to embrace and appreciate the beauty of it though. Open your mind about these things more because the sooner you accept it, the better and healthier for you. Emotionally especially. Learn to let things go. 

WHEN YOU DON’T LOVE THE THINGS THE WAY YOU USED TO

Sometimes, you just don’t love the things the way you used to. It hurts. It hurts because this used to be the reason you wake up everyday, the reason for your smiles and for the little heat waves in your stomach from time to time. but now you’re confused. So you try find a reason why and try to find a reason to stay. You try to find the spark that was there before but realize it’s impossible to get it back. Because you just can’t. The more you force yourself to love it again and stay, the more you feel weird and just not yourself. You think of the memories you have and wish things could go back the way they were. You want to feel it again and you don’t want to lose the love that you had. But then again, you sit there and realize that you’ve already lost it. It left you and you’re not sure why and when. So you hang on to the memories and treasure them. It’s okay to feel sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong after all. Just be thankful of the fact that you’ve experience a wonderful thing.