Sometimes, you just don’t love the things the way you used to. It hurts. It hurts because this used to be the reason you wake up everyday, the reason for your smiles and for the little heat waves in your stomach from time to time. but now you’re confused. So you try find a reason why and try to find a reason to stay. You try to find the spark that was there before but realize it’s impossible to get it back. Because you just can’t. The more you force yourself to love it again and stay, the more you feel weird and just not yourself. You think of the memories you have and wish things could go back the way they were. You want to feel it again and you don’t want to lose the love that you had. But then again, you sit there and realize that you’ve already lost it. It left you and you’re not sure why and when. So you hang on to the memories and treasure them. It’s okay to feel sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong after all. Just be thankful of the fact that you’ve experience a wonderful thing.
I survived because the truth is, I promised to love myself more than anything or anyone around me. I am not going to apologize for my selfishness because it is what brought me here. I figured, it is one thing I can give to myself because I know it is almost impossible for anyone to love me more than anything. I decided not to depend on anyone. If i can give myself all the love that I can, no one can step all over me. No judgement can hurt me. Instead of trying to impress others, I wanted and began to impress myself. Sometimes it’s all we need. And not caring about what others think of me have grown to be my second nature. And I love it. I don’t wish to live or think any other way.
I want to share a story about a turtle and a bunny..
I remember back when I was a little kid, I always visited and slept next to my grandmother. She would tell me bedtime stories every night and my favorite story was about a rabbit and a turtle. I don’t quiet remember all the details of the story, but I do remember the moral story of it and now that I am 21 years old, I reflect back to that story whenever life decides to throw challenges at me.
Anyway, the story was about this bunny and the turtle. They made a bet. Whoever made it the other side of the town first would get some kind of price. I believe they were betting on food. The bunny of course assumed and was very confident about winning, while the turtle had doubts but he was motivated enough because of the price and the little hope he had to win. So they started. The bunny started to hop his way to the other town, a few miles away and the turtle humbly started to walk. few hours later (or minutes), the bunny started to feel tired. He looked back and thought to himself that the slow turtle was probably too far behind to catch up. He decided to take a nap and pictured himself waking up just in time to see the turtle catching up and he would hop away. He would still win, he smiled and closed his eyes, settling down under a shade. Meanwhile, the turtle was also tired but decided to keep going. He knew he was slow, but also knew that the bunny was obnoxious enough and decide to fall asleep. And he was right. few hours passed and finally the little turtle walked passed the bunny while the bunny was lying fast asleep by a tree. The turtle was happy and he kept going despite of how tired he was. Fast forward to a few hours later, the bunny woke up and saw nothing. The turtle was out of sight. He laughed and assumed that the turtle was still walking behind. he started hopping and started to doubt himself. He asked himself if maybe he slept for too long. He was right. As he approach the finish line he saw the turtle enjoying the price.
I wish I could tell you the story in great details but I did my best to give you an idea. This story has played a huge part of my life especially lately. I am 21 years old and expecting my first baby boy. Although I am already married, people still look at 21 year old women like me with pity (sometimes) because they think of the child holding us back from our goals and dreams. Which is not the case. I hope you like my little story!