I MISSED ALL OF YOU
My life lately is like a roller coaster. But in a good way. I have a son. I gave birth almost two months ago. Yet I still catch myself staring in spaces and thinking how I still can’t believe I’m a mom. And I have this little kiddo. Who grew inside of me. It’s crazy. I missed blogging. I missed putting random thoughts on here. I miss writing just because and I miss writing for the sake of just writing. I need to do it more and again. I miss it all. Looking forward to be back on here more often.
Here are some of my little baby’s photos. He is quiet a camera lover. Like his mommy!
TRUSTING THE PROCESS
Despite of all the pain you have caused me, doesn’t erased the fact that I still loved you and you still played a very important role in my life. You’ve made me realize things that nobody could have. Because of how I felt towards you, I took things to the extreme. Which should always be the case no matter what it came about. You also taught me the importance of expressing my feelings, and that it’s better to say too much than nothing at all. I could go on and on. I could try to justify how I felt today and now. I could try to convince myself that all the amazing things in the past is just nonsense or that I should probably forget. But I won’t. I think this is great and I think this is part of the process of becoming a better person. I think this is a test. How I handle this will affect the person I will be after I am through with this chapter. I think that everything will make sense later. So I thank you. I thank you for everything.
PRECIOUS 4 AM THOUGHT
It’s four in the morning, I am sitting in silence, waiting for my precious little baby to fall in deep sleep. It’s quiet and my husband is fast asleep. I remember the first two weeks of being home after giving birth. I was exhausted. Naive but excited all at once. having close to zero confidence about motherhood. Two weeks ago I wanted to cry and break down whenever my newborn cried. Yes, I did some pretty crazy research. Read baby books. But when this child cried infront of me, it was like standing in a huge arena. Me against this child. All those research flew out the window. I guess you can say motherhood bitch slapped me in the face and the funny thing was that it wasn’t even half of it. I had no clue what I was in for. I thought I did. I was a zombie. Still am but I am managing. I doubted my abilities. I almost thought of giving up. I was afraid. That was two weeks ago. Although I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, I got to know this child. He mirrors my husband and I. It’s amazing how love can create such precious little human. Now I stare at him when he sleeps. I always do. And I am amazed of the fact that I was capable of nurturing him. I love him more than anything in this world. I am not ashamed of how I feel about this whole situation as a first time mother. I feel protective.. Most of the time I get a little too over protective actually. I fall in love over and over again when I look at him. I am nowhere near scared any longer. He’s mine. He’s precious. He makes me love life even more. He brings my husband and I even closer than before. And I know this doesn’t end here.
Often times many people take their homes for granted. Today I woke up to the smell breakfast. I woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon, and then pancakes. I woke up to my mother telling us that breakfast is almost ready. I woke up in warm sheets of blankets. I smiled. And then I thought of the ones who take these things for granted. I thought of the ones who did not wake up to the same scenery that I woke up to this morning. I sympathize them. In hopes that they would realize the value of having a home. And go home. Don’t take it for granted. Or stop taking it for granted. Because not everybody gets to have something to call a home. Not a lot of people feel warm waking up. Not a lot of people gets to eat breakfast.
WHEN TO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL
Society will tell you that you’re too skinny. Society will tell you that you’re too fat. Society will make it seem like there is no in between. And then we try to fix it by saying “love yourself for who and what you are. ” but turn around and body shame body types that contradict ours. Why can’t we just say everybody is beautiful without bias? Or why can’t you not say it if you don’t mean it. I think that’s better. If you do not think someone is attractive, then keep it to yourself. We need to encourage peace and love. We need to encourage girls to embrace their own body type. So let them. Just because you don’t think someone is attractive because of their figure, doesn’t mean other people see them the same way. And don’t feel terrible if you don’t find someone attractive by their figure because we all are entitled to our own opinion. I’m not saying you should try to sugar coat things. I’m just saying that if you don’t have any nice things to say, then don’t say anything at all.