Were we ever anything more than what my imagination thought or made us to be? Was I the only one who felt the spark when we looked into each other’s eyes? Did my imagination make those up alone? Was it only me this whole time? Did our late night deep conversations not mean anything to you like I thought it did? Did my own brain create those feelings for the sake of confidence because I was lacking it. Please enlighten me. I am lost for words. Lost for anything. I believed in something completely non existent. I am ashamed of myself and how I feel. How could I ever missed it? How could I let myself drown in my own imagination? Damn. Is this for real? I feel myself slowly leaning towards a cliff. I am not sure if your answers will save me or push me. I don’t know.
I understand that you just want to be loved. Trust me, I have read and heard you talk about it enough. But that doesn’t justify why you should let someone walk all over you. You are not being loved. You are being taken advantage of. You are being taken for granted. You like to think you are being loved because that’s what you have been looking for. Hey, wake up. You are only fooling yourself. If you want to be loved, accept what’s infront of you. How do you expect to be loved by the right one, when you’re the one stopping it from happening? Don’t be a doormat. The right person who is meant to love you will not walk all over you. He or she will not let anyone walk all over you. He or she will be there to defend your honor whether you are present or not. The right one will respect you. It’s better to let someone walk away from you than walk all over you.
I hear you comparing yourself with others. In fact, I noticed you compare yourself more than appreciating your own progress. Admiring is not a problem. I believe it’s really good. You know, giving yourself that idea or room to improve. What’s not okay though, is to compare yourself constantly to the point where you overlook yourself. Comparing yourself to others to the point where you admire them so much that you obsessed over what you do not have is not healthy. Not even close to good. Know that you were born unique and meant to be different. Embrace it. You were born to be you.
If they don’t need you, it’s okay. You do not live for other people. Learn to live for yourself. Have you even thought of what you truly want? Do you even know what you want? Do you have goals or desires? Think. Make one up. That’s what you should be living for. That’s what you should be waking up for. Not other people’s. Stop letting others use you as a prop. You need yourself more than anything else in this world. Especially nowadays when some people like to use others. Don’t let them. When was the last time you woke up and asked yourself what you wanted to do today? Not what do he, or she, or they need me to do today? Stop waking up trying to live for others. Live for yourself.
People take you for granted because you’re always available. You let yourself be too available and yes that is posible. Don’t even try to deny it. You do not know how to say no. You feel bad if you do. You feel too much. You don’t say no even when you know it will be a huge inconvenient to you. No matter what it is. You feel like crap and not appreciated at all. Well surprise. It’s nothing new. If people don’t value their own, what makes you think they will value you? Let them miss you. They take you for granted because you have made them believe that you’re always going to be there no matter what.
Just because the past did not turn out how you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you’ve ever imagined. I have made decisions and regretted some actions that I wish I could take back. There were things and situations that i wished turned out differently and sometimes even opposite. Back then I wondered and worried sick about how it was going to affect my future. But then I realized that things happen for a reason. Even though I didn’t like it a lot, every situation sure taught me something. Whether if it was a huge deal back then or not, if I learnt something, I began and decided to be thankful. Even if it took a little longer to realize why things happened that way, I am glad it did. We don’t realize how big of a good impact a negative experience can give us. I am as happy as I can be. And mostly because I learned to let go and trained myself to look at the good in every situation. Even if I didn’t like it, I chose to be open minded. So be patient. Trust the process.