Hello everyone! Few things that come to mind when I think about being a mother soon. I worry a lot. I think a lot. I think about what I need to do, what I can do and worry about if I don’t do enough. Everyday I am thankful for the resources that are available to my husband and I. Everyday I am thankful for our parents who are doing their best to guide us and I am thankful for everything that I see around me because I could use it either as a lesson or a tip on how to raise a respectful gentleman. My husband is just as paranoid as I am. He reads books and books about what he can do to expose Kostandin to the world. From what he eats, to what his toys are going to be. We are both excited about teaching him things and we are excited to show him how big the world is, but with knowledge he can conquer anything. We think about how we can educate him in a fun way so he won’t be bored and we talk about how we want our baby boy to love life. We talk about the things that we do not want him to miss out on. We want to push him to be himself and to love himself. Because when we were kids, things were different. We also talk about how we do not want to morph him into something he doesn’t want to be. We want him to discover his own talent and embrace it. We want to inspire him as much as we can.

Most importantly, we want to make sure he knows what and how a family should be. I want Kostandin to have one thing that I didn’t and that is to grow up with a father. Even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own father’s line of duty that took him away from me when I was a child. My husband and I talk about how we want to show him love and make him feel loved. 


I watched you walk pass me everyday and sat by the bench where I rested. I watched you watch her smile and adored her as much I adored you. You chose her over me. You said she was pretty. But I was a flower just waiting to bloom in spring and I had colors that were just waiting to burst. But it was not my time yet. My mother told me, my colors are to die for and my colors are vibrant. I hoped you would change your mind, and hoped one day you would come running to me and tell me how pretty I looked. But you did not want to wait. Instead, you went along with the seasons and every season I watched you adore others over me just because I was not ready. Until one day I finally saw signs of spring and still you were not around. Then all of a sudden I felt pretty. In fact, more than that when I saw my own colors starting to come out. My mother was right and I realized how amazing I can be alone. I will bloom, with or without you.