What’s for me will always be for me. Who’s meant to be in my life, will be there forever or close to it atleast. So I don’t stress. I don’t sweat. I don’t always try to seek for validation. Sometimes, maybe. I’m only human. We all crave it. But it is what it is. I let things go. I let things happen. I don’t try to get out of my own way to stop something or someone. I don’t waste any time or energy on things that I cannot control. I’ve been hurt from it before and now I just choose to sit back and let life take me wherever it takes me. I let life take negative people out. I learned that if you don’t stress about it, life will gladly do that for you, and when it does, just let it. Ride with it. Work on moving on instead. Save all your energy for yourself.
The word sorry does nothing but piss me off. Congratulations, you have officially made me hate that word. You did something wrong. And you say sorry. No. Don’t give me that bull. Sorry so the ball is in my court? Sorry to make me think you really are, when we all know you have done this before. Sorry so that you can get another pass to do it again? How about shove the sorry up your behind. How about do something about it. How about don’t tell me sorry and just prove that you really are. Because I’m getting really tired of it. I’m tired to the point where I don’t even want to see your face anymore. Because everytime I do, it’s like the word “sorry” is written all over your face. I just want to smack it. I’m starting to hate you as much as I hate that word. Prove me wrong, or stay away from me.
One day, I hope you look back at what we had, and regret every single thing you did to let it end. When you chose to look at the “neighbor’s grass”, and always said it was greener. Instead of taking care of what you have, you drooled over what you did not. I hope you regret choosing to be around people who you think is cool, rather than staying with the one who would wait for you when you come home, always leaving the lights on for you. You had it all, you just did not realize it. I hope you regret putting me right at the bottom of your every list. I hope you realize that you lost someone who you could come home to after an exhausting day. I hope you regret leaving me out in the open knowing I trusted you with my emotions and my heart. I hope one you regret everything. And when you realize that you have made a mistake, it will be too late.
Were we ever anything more than what my imagination thought or made us to be? Was I the only one who felt the spark when we looked into each other’s eyes? Did my imagination make those up alone? Was it only me this whole time? Did our late night deep conversations not mean anything to you like I thought it did? Did my own brain create those feelings for the sake of confidence because I was lacking it. Please enlighten me. I am lost for words. Lost for anything. I believed in something completely non existent. I am ashamed of myself and how I feel. How could I ever missed it? How could I let myself drown in my own imagination? Damn. Is this for real? I feel myself slowly leaning towards a cliff. I am not sure if your answers will save me or push me. I don’t know.
Give yourself a break. Give yourself compliments. Give yourself credit. Give yourself time. Give yourself attention. Give yourself love. Give yourself power. He’ll let yourself be free. Get yourself ice cream. A whole tub of it! Tell yourself what you want to hear. You don’t need to wait in anyone to do that for you. Let yourself enjoy your passion without worrying about other people liking it or not. Without worrying about people calling you a weirdo. Be a weirdo. Be an awesome weirdo. Give yourself opportunities. Give yourself everything that you want. Give yourself to you.
You know when you like someone and then they stop talking to you and you finally accept the fact that you’re not speaking anymore, but then they talk to you again so you’re like, “wait, wtf…” *eyes squinting* So you’re sitting there, confused. And you don’t really know how to feel about this. Are you a second option? Or you just haven’t made it clear enough that you like him so he didn’t really think it was a big deal to stop talking for a while? Or maybe he changed his mind? You sit there and stare at your phone, at his text wondering how you’re supposed to reply. And then you start to become defensive and think, “uh uh, you can’t just come back and think it was okay to not talk to me…” So you ignore the text for about five minutes maybe less. Less actually. Because you realize you still really like him. So you tell yourself to suck it up. You decide to test it, but with one foot left behind because you’re not sure and you’re scared to get disappointed. So what is it gonna be?