You didn’t love her, you just didn’t want to be alone. You loved the chase, but then when you got her you didn’t know what to do with her. You are like a dog chasing cars. You even admit it to yourself, in your head. You know. You didn’t love her, you just felt left out. Because your friends are in love and they talk about how wonderful it is to feel loved. But you have no idea what they’re talking about. You just want to look like you’re having fun anyway. You didn’t love her, but she was good for your ego. You like walking around holding hands and the feeling of making people think you are capable of loving someone, and someone loving you. You didn’t love her, but she’s very attractive and you know she loves you so you take advantage. Because who doesn’t want to walk around someone whose wanted by many? Again, she feeds your ego. You didn’t love her, in fact, you have no idea if love even exist, you don’t even know how long you’re going to try to pull this one off. You’re having fun. And to you, that’s all that matters.