HATING YOU HELPED ME TO MOVE ON

When you hurt me, I had no idea what to do and what to think. I mean, you were willing to be civil, but I wasn’t. How could I be? I gave you everything and did everything that I could to make us work. I believed in us. I believed our relationship would be great and believed we’d make it until the end even when people around us thought and said otherwise. I was ready. And then out of nowhere you said you just wanted to be friends. You told me not to worry because you said you would keep in touch. You were out of your mind, I thought. I even laughed and hoped it was a big joke. It wasn’t. You pushed me. I felt like I was fooled. How can you say you love me and then the next day leave me? Even worse, expect me to be civil and let alone be friends? I did not see it coming and you were very kind about it. I hated it. I hated you for being so kind about it. I did not understand. I decided to hate and entertain my anger rather than face the hurt. I was not going to sit there and accept the fact that I was defeated. You lost me. I shouldn’t have asked why over and over again. I hated that too, because I realized how vulnerable I looked. Sadness went away and was replaced with anger. It felt great. I looked at our photos,  and I did not feel a thing but anger. I preferred it that way until I got over you. 

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